ben_suave's Xanga

New Directions

Thu, 31 May 2007 06:00:18 GMT

You, yes you, can find me at http://benjaime.wordpress.com/

Don't be shy ;)

In His Presence...

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 00:01:46 GMT

I just realised how long it has been since I last blogged.
Close to a month now.
Maybe I didn't know what to blog.
Maybe I didn't want to.
I don't know.

But suddenly had to urge today.
Don't even know what to say.
Too much to put into such a small place.

One month stands between me and that airplane.
Am I ready?
I thought I was looking forward to it once upon a time.
Then why do I hide behind the pillars sometimes?

Am I making a trip home?
Am I leaving home?
Where is home?

I lie in the darkness
of the sanctuary of my four walls
I try to hide from all that is around me

I've walked down paths that I was not meant to
I've said and done things I so regret
It sits on my shoulder
Tells of how undeserving I am
I know I should not listen
But it's just so noisy in this place

Let it rain
Let your wrath pour down like water
Let it rain
Over me
Let it rain
On this dry and thirsty servant
Let it rain
Oh let it rain
Over me

As I stare into the living words
The book of life they call it
He sits on my other shoulder
Telling me of how loved I am
"He loves you, He so loves you"
He loves me, He so loves me
"Walk down the path my child, for this is your calling"

Let it rain
Let your wrath pour down like water
Let it rain
Over me
Let it rain
On this dry and thirsty servant
Let it rain
Oh let it rain

Let the fire of the Holy Ghost
burn in me
Let your presence consume my soul
Let the power of the Holy Ghost
fall on me
And change me
Make me into someone
Just like YOU

© Chorus by Planetshakers
© Verse 1 & 2 by Ben Pills

Pig Country

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 02:50:14 GMT

Hehe...

I just realised something...

I started out almost a year or so ago now with a cyber guniea pig-looking furball on my blog. As sad as it sounds, I sometimes play with it to amuse myself when I'm bored... lol

And now... I'm blessed with, not one, but TWO real life ones sitting next to me now. Fancy that! Yea so they may not be the most interactive pets on the planet, but heck, they're pretty fun and cute to mess around with.. hehe

*at least until I get my DOG!!*

Oktober

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 06:05:30 GMT

Two weeks or so to go and 3 years of tertiary education comes to an end. Where has it brought me? Have I walked out the same person I was when I walked in?

I can't honestly say I know the answer to the first question. But I can definitely answer the second one with a firm NO!

You know how sometimes you wish for something so bad, then when it comes, you're not sure if you're ready for it? That's what I'm feeling now. I've longed to graduate from this university life for the longest time, but now that I am (very quickly) approaching the end of this journey, I suddenly feel that maybe I'm not that ready yet. I mean, sure I am relieved to get it over with, and to some extent I do have a rough idea of what I want to do once I get out. But somehow there are these thoughts inside me that make me get all jittery and sit up on my bed at night wondering what the next morning holds for me.

But like I said about the answer I had for my second question, that has definitely influenced my outlook on life compared to how I would have looked at it 3 years ago. The difference? My G.O.D.

My God Of Destiny. My God Of Dreams. My Guardian Over Death. My Guarantee Over Defeat.

Need I say more?

Bring on 2007!!!! Shake the planet!!!!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 10:06:19 GMT

Steve Irwin (22/02/1962 - 04/09/2006)

THE Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, is dead. It is believed he was killed by a stingray barb that went through his chest.

The Essendon-born wildlife enthusiast was swimming off the Low Isles at Port Douglas filming an underwater documentary when it happened.

The Queensland Ambulance Service (QAS) said a call was received about 11am (AEST) today and an emergency services helicopter was flown to a boat on Batt Reef, off Port Douglas, with a doctor and emergency services paramedic on board.

Mr Irwin had a puncture wound to the left side of his chest and he was pronounced dead at the scene.

Irwin's American-born wife Terri learned of her husband's death while trekking on Cradle Mountain in Tasmania.

It is understood Irwin, 44, was killed around noon, Eastern Australian time.

A source said Irwin was already dead when his body was brought on to the island.

His body was being flown to Cairns Hospital in North Queensland for formal identification.

Irwin - known worldwide as the Crocodile Hunter - is famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchcry "Crikey!".

The father of two's Crocodile Hunter program was first broadcast in 1992 and has been shown around the world on cable network Discovery.

He has also starred in movies and has developed the Australia Zoo wildlife park, north of Brisbane, which was started by his parents Bob and Lyn Irwin.

Tributes have already started pouring in for the larger-than-life character.

Foreign Minister Alexander Downer, who used a photograph of his family at Australia Zoo for his official Christmas card last year, hailed Irwin for his work in promoting Australia.

Irwin was heavily involved in last year's "G'Day LA" campaign.

"The minister knew him, was fond of him and was very, very appreciative of all the work he'd done to promote Australia overseas," a spokesman said.

Mr Irwin had close links with Prime Minister John Howard and was a guest at The Lodge during a function for US President George W Bush in 2003.

A Tourism Queensland spokeswoman said the death was shocking and paid tribute to Irwin's "enormous contribution" to his adopted state.

Louise Yates said it was impossible to quantify how much Mr Irwin had meant to the Queensland tourism industry.

"I don't think we could even estimate how much he brought us through his personality and his profile and his enthusiasm about Queensland," she said.

"It would be difficult to estimate how much he was worth. And it would be difficult to underestimate."

She said Irwin had been a larger-than-life ambassador.

"It's not just what he brought but what he took with him when he travelled, his passion."

Australia Zoo, on southeast Queensland's Sunshine Coast, employs more than 500 people and attracts thousands of visitors every day.

But Ms Yates said it would be "unfair and unjust" to put a dollar value on Irwin's worth to the state, because of how much he had given.

Father's Day

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 16:35:36 GMT

Today (well Monday at least) was Father's day as celebrated in the lower hemisphere. So most of you guys and girls who would remotely be reading this from back home, things here are a little different. Aside from the cranky and often annoying weather.

I'd like to take some time to talk about my father. He is quite an amazing man. Even though I don't say it too often. Not often enough in fact. For the fact, that after all these year,with old injuries and all, he still finds the strength to fly,sometimes halfway around the world to remote parts of Africa to visit World Vision project villages, right to the high rise of New York for his quaterly meetings, you can give no less than you utmost respect and admiration. Thats coming from someone who can barely manage the drive to get out of bed on a cold winter morning mind you. My dad has always been someone I've liked and strongly disliked. :p But all in all I love him very dearly. He is my coach, my mentor, my friend, but unlike what he can be to anyone else, he is MY dad. He's always looked out for me. Always has had my best interest and those of my brothers in mind. He worked hard so we could have a good comfortable life. I know while I was young I could not fully understand that and at times took advantage of the kind of like I had. But thats another story.

But unlike any other Father's day, I was drawn to something else. Or someone else. Make that two someone elses. Two other father figures I have always loved, admired, looked up to, and for the past few years sorely missed. My two grand dads. Both of them passed away while I was already in Melbourne. I could only make it back for my maternal grand dad's funeral. I really wanted to come back for my paternal grand dad's funeral, but logistics and timing was against me.

At the moment I am using my dad's old laptop due to the fact that mine was giving me problems. (see, dad to the rescue again). And before I was about to sleep tonight, I just decided to look through the picture folder to see what I would find. After going through all the moving pictures and so on and so forth, I stumbled upon the pictures from my paternal grand dad's funeral, the one I could not make it back for.

With my worship music playing in the background, and the nostalgic emotion already cooking up thanks to the old subang pics, I found myself starting to tear. As the music grew more tense, and I started to view more and more photos, I found myself starting to cry. I cried until I could not look at another picture. It felt like 2 years worth of sadness that was bottled up had finally come up. I never got to fully mourn my apupa. He loved me so much as I did him. I remember the times when we would go over to my aunt's house and he would be watching his tamil news. But whenever he saw me there, he would offer me the remote to watch something else, no matter what was going on. He was always so happy to meet him. Of course I know I went through that I'm-too-cool stage, but after that I started to really enjoy being around him. It was sad to leave because at that time he was already sick. And I knew his time would come soon. I just prayed to God that He would let me be there when it does. But I guess God had other plans. And I know everything happened for a reason. Like I said, I guess I just never got to mourn him properly.

Well I did tonight. This is a father's day where I celebrated one, praised and worshipped The One, mourned one and sorely missed another (ah kong). These are great men in my life. I don't need to look elsewhere in great novels or stories to find courageous men. They are right here. In my life. Past, present, and future. Forevermore they shall remain in my heart. With God guiding me with his Fatherly love, and the inspiration and drive that I get from my earthly father figures, I know understand why I was sent here. Found it quite cheeky of God too, when I was crying out "why did you send me here?? I wanna go hoomme!!", somehow my itunes magically played 'Send Me' by planetshakers.. "send me, I will go... to this city, to this nation, and to the nations of the world'

You know how they say, be careful when you make a promise to God, coz He hears you. And He doesnt forget. He didnt forget that prayer I made. In fact, neither did I. I just... I dont know.. wasn't ready.

But now I see a few more pieces of the bigger picture. And I anticipate with great eagerness as the rest start to fall into place.

This life is not my own. Lord Jesus take control. I give You everything. You are the reason I sing
Take my life Lord every part. I'm reaching out to give You my heart.
One thing I wana let You know, YOU'RE MY HERO

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 13:51:38 GMT

I wonder if he understand what it's worth yet
Life
The time spent while we here on the earth yet
The answers to the questions we all seek
Can be found
It depend on how free y'all think
Right now
It's somebody who ain't eat all week
That would kill for the same s*** you throw away in the street
I guess one man's trash is another man's treasure
One man's pain is another man's pleasure
One say infinity the next say forever
Right now, everybody got to get it together man

I'm just taking it in
In another strange hotel lobby again
With my luggage on my back
I don't know where I'm at
I'm in a world where everything can change...
Just like that...

From the Inside Out

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 14:16:14 GMT

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fails
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all faith
And the cry of my heart
Is to give You praise
From the inside out
Oh my soul cries out

My heart and my soul
I give You control
Consume me from the inside out... Lord
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out...

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 12:48:28 GMT

He is Benjamin Preman Pillai

She is Jaime Pih

I AM is our God

This is our story...

The Stand

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 15:30:38 GMT

You stood before creation
Eternity in Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart oh God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart oh God
Completely to You

I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of The One who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrender
All I am is Yours...

Take my life Lord...